Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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