I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
