I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm like, not good at living.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
