i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
