i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
