I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
