i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
