so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize