I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
