I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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