highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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