Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
