my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
