are you still at the devil's house?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
