In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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