so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
