thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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