Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
