I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
