He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
