Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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