booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
