i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
