Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
