I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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