theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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