An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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