Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
