woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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