Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
