My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
