oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
