She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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