you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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