In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.