if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's shark week go big or go home
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon