these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
