C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral