Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?