So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher