Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
