dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
