I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize