You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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