there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
