Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
