Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
