I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
