I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
