it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
