I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
