im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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