Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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