My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
