is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
