Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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