You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize