Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
