craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
