How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
