connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
