Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
