I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
