oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
