She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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