A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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