Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
