Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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