You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
