he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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