Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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