drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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