It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
