Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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