just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
